Just what the doctor ordered

It was him,
slowly burning my fears,
taking away the pain,
the horrible thoughts,
all that led me astray.

It was him,
waiting for me in the hallway,
patient- yet restless,
checking his watch,
in sync with his heartbeat.

It was him,
slowly turning my blues into hues of bright yellows,
my insecurities into fiction,
my greys into the definite blacks and whites,
all of it- with a side smile.

It was him,
never showing creases on his forehead,
while kissing each crevice on mine,
so slowly, so lovingly,
I forgot I ever had sleepless nights.

And oh yes, it was him,
walking a step behind me,
not just to catch me if I ever stumbled,
not just to be the assurance if I was ever scared to go ahead,

also to soothe my wings every time I had to fly. 

Taking a feeling to the grave

But I will tell you what I can never let go of..
out of all the things and feelings that combine to form the essence of you.
That one moment, in the middle of a deep kiss,
when you look into my eyes. Just look into them.
That can never leave my soul
Even after all the love is gone and there is nothing left but ashes under our sheets,
I will close my eyes,
think of that very moment and know,
You loved me like I have always wanted to be loved. 

Only if you knew

I know you think I am flawed.
That I will slip before I will stand.
That I will lie before I say the truth.
That I will cause hurt before happiness.
But I have to tell you this,
when the time of reckoning comes to the surface,
I will hold all of my heart out for you to see,
and for the world.
That day, you will know and they will know-
for my heart will bleed the colour of your love
and my eyes will scare you for the sheer intensity of my love for you.
You will then come hold me in your arms,
for I will never slip out of them,
I can never lie while in your embrace,
and you will forget every single thing I hurt you with
because when you taste my lips,
they will be scented with your love. 

You're North, I'm slipping far South

I can see the strings of my love loosening around you..
With every day that passes, it becomes more visible.
Everything becomes transparent.
The excitement in your voice,
The heartbreak in mine.
The vigour in your steps,
The crumbling in mine.
The shiny twinkle in your eye,
The permanent mist in mine.
The apologies in your words,
The hopelessness in mine.

Tell me how

I need you to tell me, love
That after you left me on the verge of tears that day,
How did you drive back?
How did you eat a piece of that chicken with your friends,
when the first thing I tried to eat made me nauseous enough to pass out.
How did you sip that beer,
when a sip of water was a task for me because I was shaking so bad,
How did you laugh with them,
when you knew I was in a pool of my own tears at home..
How did you not call me,
when you knew I would have it in my hands- waiting for you..
How did you convince yourself that you're a good person,
when you're just an asshole with a nice smile. 

The circle of hurt

You shook my world in two lines and asked me if I am crying.
No I wasn't.
I wasn't crying, darling- I was ruined.
I was thinking of how I will stitch myself back this time,
how long will this wound take to recover?
I thought you'd drained me of it but hey!
I bled again. Scarlet red- reeking of your name.
So I will convince myself again tonight,
that I have nothing left to give you and that my heart doesn't have your name over it.
And for the next time this happens again,
You'll whisper you're sorry and I will tell you to just get me a band-aid. 

Heeding to the heart

Doctors dissect the heart,
meticulously, with utmost precision to learn how it works..
To know the curves and crevices, the arteries, the ventricles, the valve..
To understand how this vital organ sustains human life.
If you ask a poet,
they will tell you-
give it a love so strong that can survive the greatest calamities,
give it hope that the wounds it has suffered will one day just be scars which won't hurt,
but most of all,
give the heart what it wants, and it will live forever. 

Fell out of love

I didn't know you could fall out of love with someone,
I thought love was LOVE.
The thing that didn't know any bounds,
the permanency of this concept was engrained in my bones.
Until that night,
when I saw you look at me in the eyes,
saying you love me, so very much.
Because all I could see was empty words,
your distant eyes,
an unknown tone and I knew.
I knew what the reverse of falling in love looked like. 

The place below the light

Under all that charm,
was a dark place.
A place hidden from the bright blinding light of positivity,
because it wouldn't help a goddamn thing.
It was the place where I kept all the people I lost.
The ones I have hidden so their loss doesn't paralyse me,
doesn't make me dysfunctional- both mind and body,
so their loss is something I know is there,
but I don't let it surface back to my edges.
Nobody can know about that place,
it is sacred, it is my inexplicable weakness and
the one thing that can cut my legs off anytime it wants to. 

Let me fall, don't catch me now

Back and forth like a pendulum,
We kept fighting and making up,
Baby my head is dizzy now,
And I don't think I can stay on this ride much longer.
Forgive me, if you can,
'Coz my heart is shredded to pieces,
and my mind is torn apart,
I don't know how we got here,
But its time now, for me to depart. 

Fix me, soldier

I peeked into my heart,
and shuddered.
It was dark, messed up and broken from various corners.
Then I saw it,
Just a fibre of you- fighting all the others,
crushing the darkness,
cleaning the mess,
and fixing the broken.

No cure

It's not a bad day darling,
Its bad love,
Creeping into our bloodstream,
Which I thought was the vaccine,
But you showed me- it is the fucking disease. 

Kill me once more

I forgot to tell you,
Of the songs I heard at night,
A string of all the beautiful words,
You ever said to me..

Until that song put me on fire,
the same words-
were not my peace anymore,
They were my destruction.